17.11.10

vent.

i'm just... i'm just... just.... AGH. le français m'échappe! madame keeps bugging me about practicing. i'm over it right now. i'm trying. i really am. i know you don't believe me, but i am. also, even if i was speaking french all day every day, it wouldn't necessarily mean i'd be fluent by now. if it takes 10,000 hours of practice to do something amazingly, it would take 800 days at 12 hours a day. i want to shrug it off, but i just can't. how to go easier on myself? i feel like i AM taking it too easy. i can't estrange the few american friends i've made. and i can't just insert myself as "bestie" in my french acquaintances' lives. i saw some girls in my linguistics class that i'd like to talk to someday. i would have today if it hadn't been an exam. which kicked my butt. i had a dictionary and the concepts weren't hard, but there are those little things i didn't think to look up (yes, we corrected it directly after). i didn't even THINK about the rule that the "s" is only voiced between vowels (and whenever they feel like it). enthusiasm, enthousiasme. it's [-zm] or even [-zəm] in english -- not [sm]. i almost can't even produce it. i'm just hoping he'll be merciful on my grading... i'm hoping for 12/20 (which is, well, passing). i know i got at least 8 points. so we'll see how it all goes.

also, i just want to say that i'm, well, hormonal as f*ck, so this may just be stress multiplied by that. (please excuse my strong language, it releases endorphins).

*sigh*

tomorrow, i have my thursday classes for the first time in like a month or so. i'm terrified yet relieved at the same time. if it had been 2 classes missed, whatever. but we've missed three + a vacation one. i don't know what's due or even what i'm supposed to know. so this will be interesting. i'll be glad to be going to school twice a week again. also, i think i need to go to the library and just sit and read books on my off days. that's a good habit to make. i noted in one of my classes that the website (which i still can't access) has two bibliographies on it... i need to be reading whatever is on that list. but i need to see the list first.

god help me. i'm all sorts of frustrated.

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